laughing stock-ade

I’m sure

I’m just a big joke

laughingstock

punchline

as I watch in the stockade

smearing my honesty

for that which I had

no control

no knowledge

no awareness

 

only in the aftermath

do the eyes begin to see

as I look behind me

what was swarming

black mist of hateful gnats

hearing all the joker laughs

yet, still unsure of why

or how hearts can grow so cold

 

but knowing

I never want to

turn into that

so I love it all

the laughs, the gnats

the clusterfuck

all that

 

remembering those kids

when I was 12 years old

that picked on me for being fat

 

they were so much prettier

so they were better

 

they are so much more clever

so they are better

 

pretty face, clever mind

 

I’d rather have a

good heart

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